Thursday, 27 December 2018

No looking back!

Normally at this time of year, bloggers settle down in front of a roaring log fire with big pipe and a nice glass of single malt and review their year. My last year felt a bit all over the place, hobby wise, so I don't feel like reflecting on it. Despite butterflying all over the place I did manage to get a fair amount of figures painted but I felt the drain of a lack of focus. This year I'm going to do stuff differently. This year I'm going to try to plan out my hobby output. Want to hear what I'm thinking of doing? Course you do. Grab a pipe and pour yourself a nip. Here we go!

Wednesday, 19 December 2018

Are your Ranks just as smelly as your Flanks?

During my morning ablutions I like to have a gander through Facebook and see whats going on. I noticed a post about the new Warlord that's coming out soon. It's a Fantasy game called 'Warlords of Erehwon' and reading through the comments it wasn't long before the age (of sigmar) old question appeared "Is it Rank and Flanks? I want Rank and Flanks. Please let it be Rank and Flanks!". The questioner had to be let down gently, being informed that its a large warband style game (possibly akin to Bolt Action or Gates of Antares, which would make sense).
It wasn't the question as such that had me pondering as I warmed my bones in the scaldingly hot shower, rather it was the other responses that the questioner had been given. As is usual on the interwebs, the response to any ex-warhammer player that hankers after his 'Rank and Flanks' (an awful phrase) is to try and mop up their tears by suggesting they try Kings of War (element based wargame based on a series of historical wargames that make a postive out of the ability to make the elements 'scenic' while dialling down the individuality in terms of game play) or The Ninth Age (A wargame that seems to have been designed by a committee of central europeans who had a strop about Warhammer dieing, made their own version in a fit of pique (Ninth edition = Ninth Age) and are now furiously back pedalling away from the big scary door saying 'WARHAMMER CLONE').

Thursday, 15 November 2018

Why Don't Spesh Mureens have Platoons?

GW have been pumping out Primaris Lieutenants like they have only recently discovered that the rank exists. You have a dozen to choose from. All raring to get out there, leading their platoons of Spesh Mureens in the fight against the enemies of humanity.


I said Platoons.

What do you mean Spesh Mureens don't have platoons? They must have! Look at all the Lieutenants!

Monday, 12 November 2018

In praise of miniocrity

Why do I spend so much time obsessing over tiny toy soldiers? I spend time painting them, playing with them, organising them, reading about them, buying them , researching them, building them, packing them, unpacking them, hiding them, blogging about them, selling them, talking about them, arguing about them, obsessing about them, identifying them etc etc. The list of activities that can be assigned to miniscule fighting chappies is horrendously long when you start to think about it. What is it all about? This odd habit that we find ourselves neck deep in?
Well, it's a Hobby.

Thursday, 8 November 2018

Adventuring Elves

Paul Bonner dropped this picture on his Facebook page recently and it instantly fired up something in me. The picture appears to show a couple of Slann and a bunch of Norse fighting what I take to be some elves on a little rowboat on a beach somewhere in Lustria. The 'Norse' are difficult to identify with any certainty as they are a little skinny and not as hairy as i'd imagine they might be but they are definitely trying to kill the blonde fellas along with the Slann.

However it was them that grabbed my attention as much as the blonde fellas themselves. Although there are no obvious pointy ears I immediately assumed that these three are meant to be elves. 3 young elves off on an adventure who have been ambushed almost as soon as they landed on the shore (or maybe they are the ones doing the ambushing as the Norse and their Slann allies have met up on an isolated beach to make some nefarious deal).

Sunday, 14 October 2018

Battle on the Dike.

Slag op de Kauwensteinse dijk,1585 , Frans Hogenberg

While perusing the collections of the Rijkmuseum I came across the above the image. It's an image of a rather unusual battle that occurred during the siege of Antwerp, a part of the early stages  80 years war. Parma had been conquering the major towns in the Netherlands and Antwerp had been under siege for some time. The Spanish had build a bridge over the Scheldt which stopped Antwerp from being resupplied by the rebel forces. There had been several attempts at destroying the bridge using fire ships and ships laden with explosives (one explosion was supposedly heard in London) but none had succeeded in destroying the bridge.

Saturday, 6 October 2018

The Campaign for Real Orcs

Imagine I was a complete noob. Someone who had never played a fantasy game or watched a fantasy film of any sort. Someone who was perhaps new to the world of Fantasy and had been lured into it via friends.

We've all been there. We were young and nooby once. Our first Fighting Fantasy book probably changed all that. Or perhaps it was reading Tolkien or maybe some older sibling had really cool looking posters in his room. Whatever the mechanism, we fell into the Fantasy world with very little prior knowledge. When we were pups we had wonderful illustrations to demonstrate to us what the creatures that filled these Fantasy worlds as well as our imagination. This has cemented the image of creatures and races into our minds. The formative experience of our youth will always be our strongest image of what these things should be.

Paul Bonner

Sunday, 16 September 2018

What have you got against Elizabethans?

You may have noticed that I've got a bit of a thing about Wargaming the Dutch Revolt. It's a period the interests me and lets face it, thats the way it should be. If a certain period piques your interest it's only natural that you might want to war-game in that period. It makes sense. I'd imagine that it isn't that way for a lot of people though. The latest new miniatures could catch your eye and make you go searching for information about the period they come from. Or perhaps a bunch of your friends are starting to use a new rule set and you are pressured into buying and painting a force for it in order to play. These are all valid.

Tuesday, 11 September 2018

Clotted Lard

On Saturday 9th of April the Devon War-games group held their inaugural Lardy day, an invitational day of gaming where members and guests put on a hall full of games using rules written and published by TooFatLardies. 40 odd gamers packed the room to play a wide variety of games and you can see the overview of the day HERE. I was lucky enough to put on a game using my Dutch Revolt figures and terrain and I thought I'd show of some pics of the day.

Wednesday, 5 September 2018

Getting ready for Lardy Day

Just a quick post to show off a couple of units that i've finished off this week. After the run through of the game the other month the guys that played suggested that the Spanish could do with cavalry that was more aggressive rather than the Harquebusiers. So to solve this problem i've painted up a unit of Spanish Lancers. These are the new Warlord Games Gendarmes from their wars of religion range and they are perfect for the kind of armoured cavalry that the Spanish used extensively throughout the period.

Tuesday, 28 August 2018

All the nice Grognards luv a Zombie!

Being a bit of an old fart in training, my memory sometimes plays tricks on me. Things you swear you read in one place often turn up in completely different books saying something else than you remembered. I bought a book the other day and as I was sitting in my favourite reading spot (the toilet, it has a lock!) I realised that I'd already read it but had completely forgotten. So this little inconsistency took me down a fun little path the other day. Coming up with ideas for games to play next year at Boyl I suggested a Rogue Trader version of Legends of the High seas, which, if you're not familiar with it, is a Warhammer Historical pirate game. Based on the same engine as Lord of the Rings, LOTHS (and its sister game Legends of the Old West) gives a good game and were great little publications showing that it's such a shame Warhammer Historical was wrapped up several years ago.
This led on to a discussion about playing a straight Pirate game or a Fantasy pirate game or know how these conversations go online. This led to me thinking about making ships and the best way to do it and trying to remember where I'd seen stuff in old white dwarfs and this is where the fun began.

Sunday, 19 August 2018

The Teased and the Damned- The 'lost' list

Realm of Chaos - Slaves to Darkness had been promised to fans of Warhammer for almost as long as Warhammer existed. However, after years of development, it finally appeared in October '88 and almost instantly GW started teasing the follow up, Lost and the Damned.

Saturday, 18 August 2018

Renegade Ork Style

My latest mild obsession is Chaos Renegades of a variety of flavours. The main reason for this is the rediscovery of the Chaos Renegade army list that didn't make it into Lost and the Damned (more of which in the next post). So to scratch the itch I dug out my Rogue Trader Ork Renegade model and grabbed enough time when I wasn't being annoyed by rugrats or given Jobs to do by the wife and got him painted.

Tuesday, 7 August 2018

Getting your ass to BOYL!

I could do another review post but as BulldogLopez, AsslessmanAirborne Grove and Axiom have done excellent Jobs of covering our shenanigans at BOYL18 I figured i'd try and give some advice on how to do BOYL for yourself.

It's become obvious that there are a lot of people in the Oldhammer group who see the fun everybody haves at the annual get together in Newark and think to themselves "Fuck! I want to be doing that!" I thought this would be an ideal opportunity to lay down some ill informed and vague advice about how to make your BOYL wishes come true. Pin back yer lug holes and we shall begin.

Thursday, 19 July 2018

Buffed up!

It was finally time to put all my toys on the table and run a game of Sharply buffed at my local club. As you may or may not know, I've been slowly painting up figure for playing games set during the early stages of the Dutch revolt. I've been slowly plugging away for about 3 years now, doing bits and pieces as and when I have time and motivation. I've flirted with a variety of rulesets but finally plumped for a variation of the TooFatLardies Sharp Practice. The rules adaptation was published in the Lardy summer special in 2017 and go by the name of Sharply Buffed and are specifically written by Nick Worthington to reflect the period of warfare that i'm interested in playing, the late 16th century.

Wednesday, 11 July 2018

Chaos in the East

Sometimes you write a post and you've answered all your own questions about the subject and you can put it to bed, it doesn't rub itself around your ankle like a hungry cat anymore. Other times though you write a post and you end up giving yourself more to think about. People comment on your post and send you off on a voyage of discovery that means the first post is never going to be enough. This is what happened with my Cathay/Nippon post. What started out as an exhortation for gamers to explore setting their games in the east has developed into a rumbling background brain tease where I try to use logic to create an idea of how Warhammer would exist if it were based in Nippon.

Now, before we go any further you need to go away and read the articles in the brilliant Awesome Lies blog. Gideon (for that is the authors name) has done an excellent job of cataloguing the background information on Nippon from various WFB sources. He then goes on to explore the Tetsubo supplement in detail (and provides a link for you to go exploring yourself) and discusses the reasons it fails to reflect the Warahmmer world and the, in the last part, suggests how Nippon might look in the Warhammer world. I only discovered this blog after publishing my last post and it's this last part of his investigation that has had my head buzzing. The rest of his blog is well worth reading as well! Off you go an read it. I'll wait.

Thursday, 5 July 2018

Far Flung Cathay (and Nippon)

Between 1984 and 1990 citadel released over 160 figures in their 'Oriental Heroes' ranges (C Series C05, and OH1-5), a set of 20 Zombie Samurai (C18), an Oriental Dragon (C14), a rocket launcher and crew (C22), a Samurai on a Temple Dog and a smattering of other oriental themed minis (an Ogre that looks suspiciously like an Oni for instance). Now, for a company that didn't set it's game in the far east (or even in a fantasy land analogous with the far east) this is a hell of a lot of figures based around a single theme. Yes there was mention of Cathay and Nippon in the rules. Yes there was an army list in Ravening Hordes for 2nd edition and a mercenary list in Warhammer Armies for 3rd but there wasn't a lot of information about either of these nations and to be honest it was mostly focused on Nippon and very little about Cathay.

Monday, 2 July 2018

Mittel Europa - More scenery for Sharp Practice

At some point in the last couple of weeks I decided that I needed a church for the scenario I wanted to run. Like most gamers I went straight to the internet and started browsing for models that might fir my demands. Before i shelled out some of my hard earned cash though, it suddenly occurred that I  needed to learn to use the lasercutter at work and designing a model would be the perfect project to do it.

Friday, 8 June 2018

Pointless Anthroplogy - Hobgoblins

Yep, it's that time again. I've got a mob or unruly kids in detention and I want to look busy by typing away on the computer. Time to 'examine' another of the races of the Warhammer world and wonder where the bloody heck they came from in the first place.


Lanky, Hairy, slightly more intelligent cousin to the orc have always been unfairly treated in Warhammer. First off they were only ever a sideshow to their bigger (and littler) cousins and only ever got a mercenary list in Warhammer rather than a nice, big, full army list like other folks. They were tucked away in the east, a place of vagueness and unkind racial stereotypes and a place that Warhammer rarely spent any time visiting. Then all of a sudden they grew big old goblinoid noses and became slaves to the Big-Hatted chaos dwarves without so much as a by your leave from any one!

Tuesday, 5 June 2018

More scenes from Village life

If you are going to march around in big blocks or infantry defending your homeland then there is going to have to be a Homeland to defend! The club I am a member of are hosting a Lardie themed weekend in September. Dubbed 'Clotted Lard' it allows members and visitors to bathe in the glory of TooFatLardies and play games with their rules for the day. Rich Lard will be attending and will be running a game as far as I know and there will be drinks and Curry later. As i'm a relatively new member I thought i'd bite the bullet and offer to run a game.

Wednesday, 30 May 2018

The Return of the Warm Jets

With the return of Necromunda and the need to get some new gangs on the go I decided it was time to expand the Warm Jets. ( I did start a Tech Gang, then I got distracted and Axiom finished his whole gang in the time it took me to do a couple of conversions so they are on a Hiatus). Most of you probably won't remember but the Warm Jets are a Psyker gang made up of 4 Marauder Confrontation Psykers and converted cyborg warrior. To get the gang up to Necromunda speed they are going to need new members. So out come the brushes...

Tuesday, 22 May 2018

Where do you stand on a table?

Two gaming events happened over the weekend that got a fair amount of coverage in the nerdy social media world. One was a tournament and one was a games show. They are obviously different things to us 'in the hobby' but to the general pleb in the street they both involve a load of people in a big room with toy soldiers on the tables. If you take a look at both events from that point of view then the difference in outcome is horribly alarming. What also made me think was about what kind of gamer I am, which event would I want to attend and therefore what kind of game would I prefer to play. I think the juxtaposition of these two events makes for an interesting point of conversation. So here goes.

First off we need to recap on these two events so that the slow-coaches and foreigners no what we are talking about. Then we need to loop this back into the 'Oldhammer' scene as that is where a fair majority of readers come from (I check me stats!).

Tuesday, 15 May 2018

Middle Earth Visions

The Hollywood version of an image can become so immensely pervasive that, at times, it can be almost impossible to picture anything else in your mind. The Lord of the Rings/Hobbit franchise is one such example. Trying to imagine middle earth with different geography, heroes with different faces, villains with different armour, can strain at your imagination. That is why it's important that at times you need to take part in a little visual palette cleansing. Inspired by a twitter post that's exactly what i've done here. I've gone on little visual journey through different illustrators interpretations of hoe Tolkiens worlds look. I'm not going to blether about them much. I just hope you find stuff that you've not seen before and that you like.  

Sara Kipin

Tuesday, 8 May 2018

Age of Sigmar in the Old World

One of the peculiarities of the Warhammer games is that the rule sets are inextricably tied to the background. Ever since 3rd edition of Warhammer Fantasy Battle, anybody playing the game will almost exclusively base their armies and their games in the Warhammer world. People don't tend to use the rules sets for other backgrounds. This suits GW as they have happily been selling figures to people for years on the basis of this contract.

There is plenty of evidence to show that the Rules (whatever variant) can work in other backgrounds though. 40K, especially Rogue Trader, is just the basic Warhammer rules with bits bolted on, the Warband campaign that can be played through Realms of Chaos can be argued to be a different setting and approach to the game. Warhammer Ancients uses the rules to great effect to reproduce a wide range of historically based warfare, from ancient to late medieval and the Warhammer English Civil War brings the renaissance and the early modern periods to the party. So despite the system being a bit clunky in places, it can be made to work in a variety of situations. For the most part it's not though.

Monday, 7 May 2018

Fantasy Warriors

When a thread about Fantasy Warlord popped up on the Oldhammer FB group, it reminded me that I after I wrote my post about it I had intended to do a similar one about Grenadier Miniatures effort in the market - Fantasy Warriors. So Here it is!

Sunday, 29 April 2018

WAAAGH-WIERDO'S!!!! - Chaos Freebooterz

I love the Ork books.
Waaagh Orks is the last RT book that I covet. It shall be mine one day. But I've got the other two and I hug them at night till I fall asleep. The previews that were published in White Dwarf all those years ago, lit a green flame in my heart that, although it spent a time hidden and guttering, has never been extinguished. And now that I am repainting some of those very figures that I painted back then I have begun to pore over the minutiae all over again (time in the drops is very useful for such a project).

The Orks books are, in their own way, as monumental a collection as the two Chaos books. No other single race in the 40K universe got three hardback books covering their entire existence and many a orc player owes their love for the green skins to delights hidden with their pages.

As you may (or may not) know. WAAAGH ORKS! is the book of fluff, full of all the fun details of Orky life and has never really been surpassed for Orky lore. Almost all of what we know about Orks today is passed down to us from this might tome. ERE WE GO, the 2nd book contains the Rules. Oddboyz, Madboyz, Vehicles and Orky event cards are all covered in detail (one day I will have a Madboy mob on the table and 3 and a half days later I be able to tell you how the game ended!) Also included are the Army Lists for Goffs, Blood Axes and Snakebites.

FREEBOOTERS (for it is the book I wish to enthuse about) has the rules for various hilarious Orky heavy weapons (Lifta Droppa, Traktor Kannon, Bubble Chukka and Pulsa Rokkit) and the army lists for Evil Sunz, Bad Moonz and Deff Skulls. But what it also has is one of the sexiest list of mercenary units available in the whole of the 40K universe.

The Freebooterz.

Wednesday, 25 April 2018

Der Panzerpuss! - Wot an Orky Tanker!

So I had an idea.

You may or may not know that Too Fat Lardies have released a jolly old knockabout tank game called 'What a Tanker!' Ostensibly it's a World War 2 tank combat game with the twin emphasis of having to make difficult tactical decisions while locked up in a tin can with a big engine, a big gun and 4 smelly blokes and having a bollocks load of fun. Obviously this appeals to me. I then pondered how I could lure my chums into playing such a marvellous game. Why of course we could use silly sci-fi tanks and play at BOYL18 while drinking till we're sick.

Wednesday, 11 April 2018

Solo - A Rogue Trader Story

The other day the new Trailer for the Han Solo film dropped and I have to say that I watched it 3 or 4 times in a row. It looks cool. The same way that the Rogue One trailer looked cool. It hooked me in. It made me (and my wife) decide that we wanted to go see it. We even started to discuss how to convince the in-laws to agree to baby sitting.

But, as always with these sorts of things, it got my to pondering.

Sunday, 8 April 2018

Circus of Corruption

If you are really quick you can jump on board the Oldschool Miniatures Circus of Corruption Kickstarter.
The figures were sculpted by Jason of Wasteman fame. The gnarly wierdo's are full of character and are great fun to paint and as both OS miniatures and Jason are near enough neighbours of mine I managed to wangle some early copies of the figures in order to slap some pigments on.

Wander over to the Kickstarter for some more detail of whats coming up with all the add ons and Stretch Goals.

Keep an eye open for a upcoming post on Scale Creep where more of the creepers get their hands on characters form the set.

Circus of Corruption Kickstarter

Friday, 23 March 2018

Watch out! Mojo is back baby!

For reasons best known to itself, my painting mojo has been in hibernation for some time and as the rest of the Wipsters build healthy totals of painted figures (using many spurious counting techniques!) I have lagged behind, wondering whether i'll ever finish another figure.

But Lo! A dead line has loomed! 

Tuesday, 20 March 2018


I know it's Shit Curis. It was deliberate....Kind of.

Being an fart of the old variety (oh me back!) I have a hard time remembering basic stuff, like the list of shopping the wife has asked me to get at the shops. Once she's spouted off 5 or more things I tend to stick my hand in the air and shout " Whoa! Whoa! Write me a list. " Now, part of that is laziness, I admit, but it is also a product of 10+ years of sleep deprivation cause by little people and generally just getting older and fuzzier.

This means that actually trying to remember all the rules in a game (which i've never been very good at to be fair) is a right pain in the arse. And it seems this is a problem for a lot gamers who find them selves endlessly flicking through rulebooks trying to figure out where that rule about burrowing creatures attacks is. I'm sure it's here somewhere.

Wednesday, 14 March 2018

Oldhammer is dead. Long live Oldhammer.

Punk died when the clash signed to CBS.
Modermism died when the Pruit Igoe housing development was demolished.
Madchester died when the Hacienda was closed.
Grunge died when Dinosaur Jr. featured on the Clothes Show.

Is Oldhammer dead? And if so when did it happen?
When Warhammer Fantasy died? When it became about facebook? When it gained a contract?

Who knows?

Who cares?

Sunday, 4 March 2018

The Ferrous Dukes - Done

Well, i did it. I finished some figures. It took me till March but Fuck it, They are done.

I now have an Oarlock gang that I can play some Necromunda with. I've got games booked in and I'm looking forward to them.

Now that my painting funk is over I can get on with painting other stuff. Hooray!

Monday, 19 February 2018

First Figure of the year - Necromunda

It's been a slow start to the year painting wise, I've got loads of stuff started but just never felt the enthusiasm to sit down and get them completed. I've got a squad of Squats on the go, a gang of Techs, a couple of Dunlendings and a Vampire all sitting on a shelf giving the evil eye, wanting finishing. But instead of completing any of these I went out and bought some new figures on Saturday morning and by Sunday morning I had finished the first one. 

Tuesday, 6 February 2018

To Squat or not to Squat, that is the question....

Whether is nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune......
I think my English teacher did an ok job. Thats all I remember though.


The new Squat.

Grendl Grendlsen

GW released a comedy teaser video last week and then pics of the figure dribbled out over the weekend. First blurry shots of an unpainted fig in a display case. Then better pics of an unpainted figure...

Wednesday, 10 January 2018

Painting and Decorating - Building a little village part 2

The finished item just to entice you in 
I've finished the first couple of buildings for my little village. If you missed the first post about these then you can find it here. Other wise you can carry on reading and see what I've been u to.

Monday, 1 January 2018

End of Year Catch up

At this time of year most bloggers are making some kind of 'Year in Review' post and tallying up how many games they've played or how many figures they've painted and giving you a run down of what they hope to achieve in the next year. Not me. For various reasons I have gotten out of the habit of blogging about the figures I've painted. Be it moving house, forgetting or being unable to get a decent photo, a fair amount of figures have gone unpublicised this year. So nows the time to set things straight.

First up are a couple of units, ironically both the same size. I have been an Ork player for ever. They were my first RT army. In fact some of the figs above are from that very army. I'm going to just enjoy these figures for what they are and paint them in little batches in between other stuff. That way i'll end up with a sizeable little force without even realising it. I love these figures. They are the archetypal RT bad guys and I can't wait to get some of them on the table.

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