Wednesday, 9 March 2016

The Goldberg capers

Ok. I'll admit it. I'm bored. I'm on duty in the naughty kids room (taken out of their normal lessons for being pains) and besides telling them to be quiet I've got very little to keep me awake. So lets start writing and see where we go.

Darrin over at He of three names launched a little competition on Emporium of Rogue Dreams. The aim of the competition was create your own Abdul Goldberg.

Now we've talked about good old Abdul before but I've never gotten round to doing anything about building a figure. So this time I will. More of him later. But for those of you who don't know, Mr Goldberg pops up in some of the Game/Campaign ideas in the generator tables in the RT rulebook and is the only recurring character in there. Go have a read, it's one of my favourite parts of the book.

Anyway, another part of the comp is that we need to write a bit of fluff about our version of the  inestimable Abdul, we have to give him a bit of flavour and background and maybe discuss his crew and his exploits.

So while I'm trapped in this room I thought the best way to do that would be to shamelessly filch some pics from the tinterwebs and make up shit about them.

You with me? Cracking. Lets Go!

The Pandlehoff incident  

After some fancier than necessary flying through the Bronti asteroid belt, Goldberg and his crew, landed their current ship, the Smoky Gargler, at the spaceport of Pandlehoff on Ceereeus prime. They were there to meet a customer who wanted a package taking off world and delivering to a neighbouring system. Abdul and his crew took delivery and hung about in the warehouse, gambling and drinking, till they could move the container under cover of darkness. 
Unfortunately, Goldberg's curiosity got the better of him and decided to take a peek into the container. 

Within was a tall reptilian beast that had been selectively bred by the local Adeptus Mechanicus Biologus from indigenous stock. The beast overpowered the drunken crew, eating two and stalked off into the night.
It took the local PDF 3 days to corner and defeat the beast and another 3 to track down the thieves who had liberated it from the Mechanicus facility. Goldberg and the rest of The Smoky Garglers crew were long gone by this time. He is still wanted by the planetary governor, Mechanicus magos and a large an well connected crime syndicate. 

The Sanctity Queenship

Abdul always liked a bit of a flutter but he took it a bit too far in Bojongo competition in the outer rims. Not only did he lose the Smoky Gargler to a crested xenos from Tenefria but he 'won' custody of one of the candidates for the Queenship of the holy Planetoid of Sanctity. Her Highness Stictera Bobulous von Stencard was to be protected by Abdul and his crew and transported to the competition that was to be the main method of picking the next queen.

Stictera was not a willing passenger however, she had been raised since birth to take part in the combat trials that formed the main part of the selection process and she wasn't keen in the slightest. As soon as she was in Goldberg's custody the problems started. Firstly she kept killing the crew members that were given the job of guarding her room. Then when Goldberg finally managed to, erm, commandeer a new ship, Her Highness kidnapped the Navigator and diverted the ship towards the Phosforhel Nebula. Goldberg had had enough and ordered his crew to subdue her Highness at any cost while he had some important business in the engine room. In the end the crew that dropped von Standard off at Sanctity consisted of Abdul, a one legged chef and a very pissed off Gyrinx.

The Highway Hijack

Pursued across the Gangsetas Subscetor by the Commissar Cyborg, Captain Terriglot Fanfare, Goldberg and his crew decided to hide out on the snow world of Pleasantness. For several weeks they managed to keep a low profile but as ever boredom got the better of Goldberg. One of his new contacts offered to cut him in to a new money making exercise that he and some of cronies had just devised. This involved disposing of some of the old transport tube ways that crisscrossed the planet. The tube ways were full of tech and minerals that were worth money off world. All Goldberg and his crew had to do was pick up one of the sections and fly out into orbit where a larger cargo vessel was waiting to collect it.

Hearing that Captain Fanfare had arrived in the system and was hot on his heels, Goldberg and the crew set to work adapting their new ship, the Tenacious Beagle, in order to lift carry the tube way section. They made their way to the designated section and hooked up the section and started the engines. As they lifted off the strained and started to complain, as they reached a high pitch the connecting pins finally gave way and the tube way section lifted into the air. However, this was not a disused section but was full of traffic. As the cars and transporters fell out of both ends of the tube way section Goldberg and his crew started to panic. When they saw Fanfare's cutter heading in their direction the panic became even more acute. Goldberg hit the thrusters and headed for orbit, the tube way section still attached. The Tenacious Beagle flew past the waiting cargo ship and translated to the warp dangerously close to the planet. Emperor only knows what the poor citizens experienced, trapped in their transports inside the section of Tube way.


  1. Can't wait to see your version of Abdul. He's on my (long) to do list as well.

  2. I want a comics of exactly that mate !

  3. DUDE! You're crushing it! This is awesome.

  4. Good stuff, several great scenarios there.


  5. That's a great post. I think that the warrior princess one is the one that fires me up most. That picture is fantastic.

    Solid legend building Whiskey Priest!


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